‘Why didn’t he – or she – contact me again?

Posted on April 26, 2012 by Yvonne

Are you one of the millions of women – or men - who has asked yourself this question?

: The sounds of silence

Two recent articles ‘The ex factor’ and ‘Q&A’
in The Sunday Age Extra (April 1) highlight the
distress and disappointment many a woman experiences when a first date – or a relationship – comes to a halt without their knowing why. A new website, WotWentWrong, has been created to provide a way to encourage guys to end the sounds of silence by giving reasons for the unhappy ending.

While the creator of this website, Audrey
Melnik, has only taken it from the stranded gals point of view, I applaud this attempt to encourage feedback from the guys concerned… especially as all too often we women can imagine all sorts of explanations that preoccupy our minds day and night- and which may have nothing to do with the reality. To know why he did not choose to contact us again when we thought that the date had been mutually enjoyable – or our relationship held real promise – can be very helpful as well as reducing the chatter of our minds and our loss of shut eye.

Since 1976 when I first opened the doors of my consultancy for discerning men and women seeking partners, feedback after an initial date has been invaluable in assisting us to help our clients of both sexes to achieve their relationship goals.
Often we are unaware of how we are perceived by others, of our behaviour
or mannerisms that may not be attractive especially on a first date which can
be stressful…especially if we would really like to impress! Constructive feedback can help us to turn our next promising date into something more!

To hear some tips from me about understanding differences between men and women, especially when it comes to a first date and a potential relationships, listen to my audio ‘Winning with the opposite sex’.

The atomic household can be a health hazard!

Posted on March 28, 2012 by Yvonne

Community-focused living is an answer!

: Friendship and support

In an earlier item Live alone and feel isolated? .I referred to an initiative in Denmark that is very positive approach to helping to prevent problems associated with loneliness and social isolation that are so prevalent today.

For years the Danes have had community housing that is purposefully designed in which singles, couples and families have their own private dwelling but also have a large kitchen and dining complex in which they can connect and share meals seemed a very positive initiative to me. Continue reading →

Realising that a man may present as a peacock can make or break a date!

Posted on March 21, 2012 by Yvonne

‘Jane’, a client I personally mentor, shares her ‘peacock’ experience….

: You’re a lovely bird!

Dear Yvonne, On several occasions I have sat through a number of first dates where men talk and talk and talk…sometimes this has been fascinating and at other times tedious. A recent example -

Last week I was somewhat put out while chatting on my second meeting with ‘John’ whom I’d initially met through a friend. Our mutual friend had told me that John was really very interested in me…which both surprised and pleased me…but this was not apparent to me when we then met for a drink at the pub. Continue reading →

Are you a woman who thinks there is a male shortage?

Posted on March 3, 2012 by Yvonne

IT IS MORE THAN A MATTER OF STATS!… when it comes to meeting a potential partner these days - as my recent letter to the editor of The Australian explains…

‘Dear Editor,

: Where is he?

Difficulties women of today face when seeking a mate – be this Australia, USA or UK – are not merely to do with an imbalance of available males and females in the various age groups, as Bernard Salt suggests in his article re ‘the male drought’, The Australian.

Unfortunately the challenges a large and ever increasing number of women – and men! – face when it comes to finding and keeping love are much more complex and a real cause for concern. Continue reading →

Does a lack of self-confidence ever ruin your chances of friendship – or romance?

Posted on February 26, 2012 by Yvonne

Don’t let a fear of rejection get in the way of your turning a first encounter into a second!

It is quite common after we have introduced a couple, for one – or both! – to provide feedback after a first meeting that they would like to see the other again…but don’t think the feeling to be mutual. Alas all too often such doubts have nothing to do with the perceptions of their date – who may well be feeling uncertain themselves for similar reasons!

Recently ‘Sue’, an attractive, delightful client had a date with ‘Ian’, an interesting, successful and intelligent man she had agreed to meet.. Both had read each other’s profile and both were looking forward to the date they had arranged to share time and conversation over drinks at a pleasant hotel that Saturday afternoon. Continue reading →

Women are not hairless men…

Posted on February 9, 2012 by Yvonne

…so why hide our feminine attributes behind a male persona?!

Recently I was preparing to meet with ‘Jane’, the CEO of a large company, who had become a client of my consultancy to assist introduce her to men seeking to share life with a partner. I noted that members of my team had found Jane’s phone conversations since her initial interview to be demanding and off-putting in tone and delivery. I also found it interesting that Jane had written in some background information about herself that at times she scared people.

When I met with Jane to discuss introducing her to men who were also seeking a partner to share life, I advised her that I’d never had a man walk through our doors who said he wanted to meet ‘a scary woman’…nor was I prepared to be an advocate for one who was. I also questioned whether she really needed to have a ‘male-like’ persona that concealed her warm, sensitive female self. If so,
surely it was not surprising that though she had a large number of male friends who were business colleagues, none were likely to lead to an intimate partnership.

During our time together, Jane thanked me for my direct approach. She had shed tears as she told me of some of the challenges she had overcome to get to the top…and of the perhaps irrational fears she still had of losing this position. She realised she had taken it for granted that the way to succeed was to follow male role models ‘as if a man’ – and that this had been at the expense of fulfillment in her personal life. She now realised that like many a woman today, she had overlooked caring for and revealing her female essence in her quest to achieve – to the detriment of her well being and happiness.

As some of my earlier items on this site such as Men are not hairy women have indicated, it is important that we respect and appreciate gender differences in our lives and our relationships.

I believe that there is very little we cannot achieve as women these days– while also having a fulfilling personal life – if we appreciate, nourish and express our female essence rather than hide who we are behind a male persona.

Do you have a sense of purpose – or like so many of us do you feel that you ‘just exist’?

Posted on January 23, 2012 by Yvonne

Sharing life with purpose and meaning is key to feeling fulfilled…and it is not dependent on age!

Some months ago one of my consultants called me because she wondered whether we could accept an enquirer as a client. The man she had just spoken to on the phone had told her that he had met his recently deceased wife through the consultancy in 1977, the year after I first opened our doors. After several years of caring for his beloved, he wanted to meet someone who also believed life held more meaning when shared in a loving relationship.

While not unusual to have a past client seek to repartner through us, ‘John’ was exceptional. Given the energy in his voice, my consultant was taken aback when he informed her that he had met his beloved wife he was in his late 50′s…and was now 93! She was also even more surprised when he added that we should email confirmation of an appointment as he was usually too busy to take calls after 9am, As well as several teaching and lecturing commitments that at times required interstate and overeas travel he said he was also studying for a PhD. It was obvious that this man did not confom to stereotypes held re age!

Despite the many years that had passed since we had met I readily recalled John and was delighted to make an appointment to see him. Back there then his positivity and zest for life had impressed me greatly…and as a young woman I was surprised that someone who had not completed high school and was close to retiring age had commenced study for a degree.

I recognised John when I went to reception to greet him. Though smaller in build than I had recalled and somewhat hard of hearing, he had the same energy and enthusiasm for life and learning as I recalled. He was excited as he told me about the positive impact his current research could have for many people and of his intention to work for at least another decade. However, while he had good reason to look forward to each day, he was aware that he sorely missed the support, nourishment and meaning he had experienced sharing life’s journey with a loving partner.

Before leaving my office John gave me a hug and parting words that I’d like to share…

Life is not a dress rehearsal It is up to us to make the most of every day!

Are you a woman who worries when the man in your life seems aloof and not interested in you?

Posted on January 5, 2012 by Yvonne

If you can put yourself in the picture, the insights from the diary entries below it will help you to relax and enjoy your relationship more!

Most likely when the man in your life is being distant it is due to the simple fact that when his mind is really focused on something, he is not likely to be aware of much else. After all, he’s a guy!

Have more health and happiness in life…take time out each day to let someone know you care!

Posted on December 30, 2011 by Yvonne

There is no doubt that good relationships are the source of much of the nourishment we need to find joy and meaning in life. Yet many of us these days are so caught up in the ‘busyness’ of life that we take the bonds we have with family and friends for granted.

For most folk the festive season is one time of year when thoughts do turn to those we hold dear. However, even then, all too often it seems we focus more on the pressures to do with gift-buying and giving rather than on sharing the wealth that is the caring we have for each other.There is no doubt that having people we care for in our lives is a primary source of our wellbeing.

As I have mentioned in a number of items on this site, we have a biological need for our ‘feel-good’ hormones to be stimulated by such simple pleasures as touch, holding and being held, sharing time talking knowing we are being heard, being appreciated and appreciating. Yet so many of us are living lives that leave little time for us to really care for others…and, by so doing, care for ourselves.

Resolve now to take time to give and receive such simple gifts of love and friendship each and every day of 2012…and the rest of your life!

Are you a woman who is dissatisfied with the man in your life? Planning for the day you will end it?

Posted on December 5, 2011 by Yvonne

Recently I was interviewed for an article to appear in the Sun Herald about my views re married women who plan for years to leave their husband once their children’s final exams are over. Given my experience as a human relations consultant, I am aware that it is indeed common these days for men to be surprised – and grief stricken – when their partner tells them that they want a divorce. As I indicated to the journalist, I would prefer to prevent problems rather than highlight the outcomes.

Maybe David’s story rings bells for you…? Continue reading →